can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
