I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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