he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
