i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
