The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
