Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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