It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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