im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
