Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
