I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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