We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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