im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
