Tell her she can't have a vagina
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
