dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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