remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
