White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
