I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
