Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
