VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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