I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
