I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
