Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
