Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
