No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
