Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Randomize
