God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
