Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
