onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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