You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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