Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
