ugly people sure do ruin things
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
