dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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