ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
