the condom got lost in my hair
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
wow bdsm is so cute
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
