Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My bed smells like the plague
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
