# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
home. puking in laundry basket.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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