i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize