TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
