I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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