you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
