I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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