WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
