apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
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