he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize