i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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