Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize