I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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