what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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