I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
