Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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