I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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