i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
