I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize