Can i not drive my cunt home
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
