Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
