youre lurking in front of me
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
