just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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