I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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