A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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