we have pet lesbian snakes
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
