so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
