OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
