How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
