I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
