My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
