Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
