The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
