No stitches, just platelets and will power
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
