He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
