yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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