Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
