Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
