fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize