My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
