Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize