Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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