its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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