There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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