Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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