I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goatâ€
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