is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
