Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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