I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My bed smells like the plague
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
