im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm like, not good at living.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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