they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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