can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This beer is not sobering me up at all
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
