Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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