People in love make me want to vomit
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
it glows. i had to have it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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