Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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