Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize