He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
