Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm getting married
To pizza
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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