i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
