shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Randomize
