I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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