He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Sext me about skeletons
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
