uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
