I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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