How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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