I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
