I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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