sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
