hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
