i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Your dad touched me again.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
