it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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