I love black thongs
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
3pm strippers are depressing
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
