my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize