i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
