the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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