She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
