I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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