Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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